Dear Parker’s Waffles,
I see the crack, the crack everybody has been raving about in your nifty little cart on the SW 4th and College. Now, as we know, I had a not so sweet encounter with your new beef brisket which was recently added to the menu. It was tough, dry, and hurt my jaw a little as I chewed for countless minutes on this one morsel. I didn’t get it. What is everyone raving about, it’s poopy. Now keep in mind, I am not commenting on the waffles, the eggs, the cheese, or any other edible item other than the brisket.
I have a rule and pet peeve about food reviewing. If you go to a restaurant and have a shitty experience or some foul food, you have every right to be upset, but you also have every obligation to give the opposing team a 2nd at bat. If you have ever worked in the restaurant industry you know that sometimes the machine needs some oil. You may have a hungover staff member, you may have to push a special to move some not so hot dishes, and you have definitely been forced to up sell the most retarded items. Knowing this, all you cats that blow your load on a restaurant should hush your pants (me included) and give them a round 2 and you may find yourself pleasantly surprised!
Parker’s Waffles is run by a married couple who are hip and chatty. I waited approximately 8 minutes for my pork and eggs. That’s right pork and eggs, as I am unable to eat gluten and wheat, I have not yet had the waffles. During my wait I chatted with these two. In fact, I was really surprised at how curious and interested they were in all of their customer’s affairs (real genuine interest here folks). I frequent the food carts weekly and usually get a hey?, how is radio today?, or that’s double salad no bread right? Which is cool, but I had a total in depth conversation on myths and facts of gluten intolerance, the problem with self diagnosis, and the crappy road to realizing you can’t eat cheeseburgers anymore.
Back to the pork and eggs. I am the kind of fatty who can’t make it back the block and a half without opening the container and having sneak peak bites. I strategically ate the eggs all the way to the elevator because I knew this pork was going to be the deal maker/breaker for me and Parkers. On the 6th floor, midway, I couldn’t take it anymore and fingered out a piece of pork and shoved it my mouth like it was going out of style. I closed my eyes and waited for the disappointing taste of burnt, over seasoned, or anything that would ruin my lunch. But I took a chew, and another, and one more and it turned my frown upside down. In fact I skipped and ran back to the door of the studio and with my box already open and barbecue sauce already on my white shirt I gave samples to Robert Wagner and Sabrina Miller like I was Santa during Christmas. It was so good that I had no doubt in my mind that they would in fact look back at me with their half retarded facial expression of holy mother of Ninja Turtles this is the Shit. The bbq sauce on the pork was a fantastic plus. The eggs were smothered in cheese. This ladies and gentlemen was a perfect lunch at 6 dollars. Parkers, you guys are off my shit list. Two chubby thumbs up.
